First is this: When I'm on my walks/runs (let's just call it "whatevering" and be done with it) I listen to music. If I'm just ambling along, I'll listen to any number of playlists that I just love hearing. For example - every year during Lent I listen, over the course of several walks, any number of recordings of Jesus Christ Superstar. When I need to think something through, I often listen to Vivaldi's Four Seasons, especially Max Richter's "recomposition" of it. And when I need to feel all "I am woman, hear me roar," I queue up Beyonce's Homecoming.
But when I'm out whatevering in an attempt to get my heart rate up and keep it up, I listen to playlists I've thrown together over several years. There are so many songs on these lists I would never in a million years listen to in any other setting. Some would embarrass my children; some embarrass me. It's all about the pace and the energy, and very, very often, I'll just hear a snippet of something when I'm going through whatever albums iTunes throws at me and add it and move on, without listening all the way through. Seriously -- 10 seconds of the opening is all I pay attention to when I'm adding stuff. I don't listen to the words before adding a song, and often don't really pay much attention to them when I'm whatevering. I always hit shuffle when I choose a playlist, so I never know what's coming up, and because most of my lists have about 4 hours worth of songs I typically only hear about 1/8 - 1/4 of the songs thereon.
The second thing is this: I wear a bunch of bangles on my right arm that I never take off. All but two are from a company called Mantra Bands Each of them have some saying, or snippet of verse, or bit of inspiration that I chose as motivators. They are open on the back, so the fronts of them are usually on the inside of my arm (see picture) where only I can see the words. They are most comfortable this way, and only rarely do they ever get turned around, facing "up." In fact, the only time I intentionally do so is when one turns a bit, which happens sometimes when I'm getting dressed or when I've been fidgeting with them.
Now that you know those two things, here's the rest of the story.
I went out for my whatever this morning at the park in which I love to walk, and had whatevered about 2 miles when it began to rain. I decided not to get soaked this time so I took a break to get a small umbrella out of my car. Today wasn't about speed, so although carrying the umbrella messed with my pace a bit, I didn't really care. The rain slowed enough when I hit my 3rd mile I closed the umbrella up, and slipped the cord over my right wrist so I could keep an easy grip on it as I continued to walk.
At mile 3.5 I sensed someone was coming up way too close to me, as in seriously violating my personal space. That's unusual even when there are lots of people in the park with me, but I was the only person there this morning -- had been the only person there for more than half an hour, as evidenced by a parking lot empty except for my car. I figured someone may have walked into the park from the neighborhood, but they were way too close to me and it was weird. I wasn't frightened, just annoyed. I said, loudly, as I turned my head in their direction, "Good morning!" I just really wanted them to know I knew they were there, if that makes sense.
There was no one there. No one. That stopped me in my tracks. Literally. My heart was pounding and I just stood there in an effort to collect myself.
As I was now standing still, I became aware that one of my bracelets was pushing into my wrist, likely because of the umbrella strap twisting it. And I also noticed that I was standing right in front of this tree I'd already taken note of because it looked like it was on FIRE due to its beautiful autumnal oranges and reds. (The colors you see here don't do it justice.)
Well, you know me. I just had to pull my phone out and take a snapshot. I mean, my whatever pace was already shot because of the eerie interruption. As is my wont, I began do some free association -- the tree looked like it was on fire.... Moses and the Burning Bush.... yada yada -- while I was raising the phone to take the picture..... and when I lifted my right arm I couldn't help but notice the one random bracelet that was now turned to the outside of my wrist.
At this point, we can cue the moment I thought this might be post-worthy. But it gets better.
I'm standing there, thinking of Moses and burning bushes and "what is that in your hand" and still wondering what that was that had compelled me to stop in the first place, and looking at that bracelet .... well. I'm not the brightest crayon in the box but I was beginning to think this was one of those moments in which I should just stand and listen. And I thought (which you can read as prayed), "Whatcha got for me, God?"
(Now, keep in mind, that I had had that random playlist running in my ears. I'd been listening to tunes by Meghan Trainor, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Queen, The Avett Brothers, Justin Timberlake, Beyonce, Pink, Sia, Gwen Stefani, Santana, Jaden, and Usher.)
And the minute I asked that question, a song came up in the shuffle that I had never heard before, one that I must have added at some point because the opening measures seemed like it might give me a nice gentle pace to walk to, and this was it.
I haven't always been kind. I'm not always kind now, even when I'm trying to be so very intentional about it, so what I'm guessing is that I need to work harder at this until it doesn't feel like such
hard work.
MESSAGE RECEIVED.
I'm not writing this for any of you who might be reading it. I'm writing it for me. This just felt like one of those moments into which I needed to stick a pin.
Listen to Frank Turner's Be More Kind here.
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